Here I am, trying to recover form the third time lucky computer fiasco, and I get a call from an editor saying: you want to go to Nigeria in just under two weeks time?

Sure, I say. Aware of some tight juggling needed to meet my deadlines (especially given the time I had lost over the computers) but blissfully unaware that the Murphey of the Universe still had me firmly in his sights and was about to transfer my computer woes into Nigeria woes.

Now nobody really wants to turn down and all expenses paid trip to anywhere ... so I just as I was warming up to Nigerian as a new (albeit possibly wild and woolly) experience the conference organisers suggest that I pay for the ticket up front and they will reimburse me on arrival. I think about it, and decide that in principle I would not ask this of anyone else, so I'm no prepared to have that asked of me. Besides I've just blown money on a new (its still working, see) computer and if I pay for the flights there is nothing, nothing, left to deal with any possible emergencies. Besides I don't know these people, and my editor offers the back-up of giving me a lot of work to make up for the money in the event I don't get paid --- she wants me to work the money back... that's not fair!

 I communicate that this is a no go. They agree to wire the money to a travel agent. I allow the (cheaper) online bookings to expire and contact a travel agent and arrange a new booking and put them in touch with the people responsible to pay. So far so good.

Onto the next issue. The visa!! A bit of finger work on the keyboard, making my way around the net I discover that all application have to be made online at www.immigration.gov.ng and that you also have to pay online. Since timing was really tight I applied on line, assured by the notices on the site that one could go in and edit the application on line. Duly applied, duly paid... and about a day later the payment is accepted and the site issues me with an electronic receipt. This is now late on Wednesday, and the Nigerian consulate is not open on Wednesdays (only I did not know that at the time).

My receipt says I have been granted an interview on Jan 28. It does not tell me where to go, what time to be there - and phones calls to the closed embassy get an answering machine. I send and e-mail asking for information about applying for a visa. No response. Thursday comes and I phone at the time I vaguely remember the electronic message telling me to. I get a human voice, but the human voice tells me to call back after 3pm. I call after 3pm and discover that the hour window for calls was from 2-3pm. I send faxes and e-mails trying to enquire about the procedure. No response.

I wait for 2pm on Friday and try to call again. It rings, and then says there is a technical problem and cuts my call. I try again and meet the same non-success. It try different non-visa options on the electronic system, and they just ring and ring...

I resign myself to travelling to Jhb on Monday to go for the interview. Since then I have discovered that the consulate only accepts visa applications on Tuesdays and Thursdays (and if all your paperwork is correct return your passport with elusive visa on the Friday or Monday respectively) so I call a visa specialist company to check if they can assist with handing in and collecting paperwork if the consulate won't accept things on Monday... they answer the phone and are willing to assist.

 I book flights to be reimbursed (I hope) when I get to Nigeria. Paperwork is gathered and Bob drops me off at the airport on Monday. As I'm booking in and am asked for my credit card so they can verify the number for payment I realise I left my wallet at home. Bob speeds off and returns with missing wallet and I board without further incident (laptop in bag so that I can work where ever I end up as I've booked flights to accommodate the inevitable mismanagement.

After much deliberation, I decide to take a taxi to the consulate, reasoning that the extra stress of navigating through Jhb rush hour traffic was not worth it. I'm dropped off at the consulate, about 1km from Sandton City.  

I try to enter, but those ugly electronic security doors clammed shut on both sides and would not let me in or out. This happens twice before the realise I have a laptop and tell me to leave it in the car - yeah right, what car? Then I'm instructed to leave my laptop with the security guard in the security hut. This is the same brand new laptop - the one with the lights that DO switch off, but that too two dud Acer models for me to become the proud owner of it. Lets just say I'm now emotionally frazzled with all these developments on top of missing and juggling deadlines left right and centre and functions at home that wrote off work for most of the weekend.

Not having an option I part with the computer and three attempts later the evil electronic security doors deign to let me in.

Its queue time, but the queue is short. The lady ahead of me also has an interview. She's having an animated conversation at the window, so I start to tune in. The lady behind the window is going to great pains to explain that through no fault of the computer system, but some fault on her part she has been allocated an interview on Monday when interviews are only conducted on days that applications are accepted - Tuesdays and Thursdays.

My turn comes, and I get the start of the same story. I explain that I have travelled all the way from Durban, on the wrong day, because I could not get through to a person at the consulate and am met with total indifference. The rules are the rules.

In my period of frustration, not knowing who to speak to or what to do I had e-mailed everyone I could think of, and had been given a name of the vice consul for trade. So, now in tears of anger and frustration (it always amazes me that as a 6-year-old I would NOT cry, in principle, through shoutings, beatings and standing in the corner, but now, at certain levels of emotional overload I am powerless to stop the tears, but I'm over been embarrassed about it) I ask to speak to my last resort.

I am directed to wait in chairs in the hall. 15 minutes later a lady calls me up. My last resorts PA. She listens to my story and tolerates the tears which flood out again, and eventually agrees to accept my paperwork. She takes it, checks it - and I'm free to see if my laptop is still in the security hut - but feeling very much like a hapless pawn, and totally emotionally drained.

I decide to walk to Sandton City to de-stress. Followed by some retails therapy and a cheaper shuttle bus back to the airport. I sit there and try to work until I fly home for 6pm. During that period I advise people via e-mail that I have had progress at last, and they assure me that steps have been made to wire money to the travel agent for the flights.

Tuesday... about 1pm. I get a call from the consulate. There is a problem with my application. My online application was entered as a tourist visa, but I need a business visa. Now I already know I can't go online and change it, because I've tried (despite assurances online to the contrary) but she is adamant that this is what I have to do, or all is doomed. Several frantic e-mails and phone calls - three hours wasted and much stress - she e-mails back to say she spoke to the visa officer and it is all OK. Thanks lady, you couldn't have done that before you phoned me, sent me into another fit of frustrated tears and then set about wasting three hours on a problem that does not exist. I had eventually resolved that the problem would be sorted out by the other people involved and that if Nigeria did not happen at least I would gain a week to meet some of my deadlines.

In between I've confirmed with the visa specialists that they will be able to collect my passport on Friday and meet me at Jhb airport with it, so that I can continue my journey to Nigeria - and I've confirmed that the embassy is expecting them, and that they have received my letter.

Now its just the tickets, which obviously can't be issued until payment is received. Its now Wednesday. I e-mail to check if payment has been received. I'm advised that it does not reflect in the bank. Then I hear that payment has not been made because the swift number had not been supplied by the travel agency--- despite being assured on Monday that payment had already been made.

Now I'm in another panic. As far as I know it takes about two to three days for money wired from other African countries to clear, and although the travel agent says she will issue the ticket on faxed or e-mailed proof of payment I'm not sure that there is any when you wire money... so the saga continues as I wait to see if my ticket will actually be issued before I am supposed to fly on Friday.

Meanwhile deadlines fly by at an alarming rate, and stress levels mount. Let go, Let God... but don't plan to go to Nigeria (or to have your driveway fixed - but that's another whole unbelievable episode that I don't have time to share right now!)